How do you comfort someone who has lost a child?

[coma]

My future brother-in-law's infant died suddenly recently. I got the call from my boyfriend and found myself not knowing quite what to say. This is honestly
the first time anyone close to me has lost a child.

What makes it worse is the fact that we are still unsure of the cause of death. I do not understand how a seemingly healthy baby can die in its sleep without somebody being to blame. I don't want to give my condolences, then find out I've been comforting a murderer.

I take infant death to heart more than any other because I, myself, am sterile. If I later find out that there was some way to prevent this child's death... I don't want to hold resentment for the young parents.

How do I go about comforting the family (or at least, my boyfriend)?

[Sailor Ness]

A healthy baby can die suddenly from cot death or sid's as its medically known, which is usually the case (probabley moreso then abuse)

The problem is there is no certain way to comfort someone who has lost a child, all you can do is "be there" for them for the meanwhile and eventually when the grief isnt so intense (which may never happen and will surely take a long time) just offer yourself as a shoulder to cry on, or just someone who is there to talk to if thats what they want.

[ec_nana]

Just be around. Make your presence known but dont let it be intrusive.

[wino]

What nana said is good just be there for them, nothing can take the pain away or the feeling of loss. Give them all the support you can. Sorry for the loss best of luck.

[Mr. Yaag]

Ahhh haha. This is great on so many levels, kudos.



Srsly tho, feel what's in your heart and champion its internal cause.

[coma]

I know I'm new, and I really could have gotten some nasty replies. I was expecting it and had myself braced for the worst.

I appreciate the responses I have received. Thank you.

[c mo]

better to lose an infant that you've barely begun to know than lose a child that you've nurtured and loved for years

yeah, bring on the "you're a heartless bastard" shit, but it's pretty much true

[C_R]

^^^^^

[trixie128]

let them know that time is the only thing that will fade the pain, it will never go away

[Bia]

easy... make more and or adopt.

redundancy has its advantages

[Sonya]

Just don't try to say anything to "make it better" (i.e. you will have more kids, this too shall pass, whatever).

Say you are sorry for them and that you are there to talk, offer to bring food etc... Don't make them feel shunned, or feel like you are so uncomfortable with the topic that they should not discuss it. Sadly people undergoing this sort of loss sometimes find other people DO avoid them just because they are uncomfortable with the situation and don't know what to say.

BTW...unless you have reason to suspect these people of abuse it is kind of twisted to think they killed their own infant. Regardless dead infants get extensive autopsies to rule out abuse, they cut them up pretty good looking for "hidden bruising", and yes baby things die unexpectedly all the time.

[SE10]

Just say.

"ah well good job it wasnt twins".

[revolva]

I found myself in that very position just last week. The 3 year old son (only child) of a woman I like, fell from her 9th story apartment as she was taking the trash out. She thought she could just leave him for a couple of minutes, but he dragged a chair to the balcony and climbed up to shout hello and wave to her. When she turned around he fell to his death in front of her. I sent her an email, but it ws probably as comforting as a Sears kids summer catalogue

[M.O.DENGLER]

Originally Posted by coma

How do I go about comforting the family (or at least, my boyfriend)?

You don't..Leave them be.

[Lass From Oz]

Originally Posted by coma

My future brother-in-law's infant died suddenly recently. I got the call from my boyfriend and found myself not knowing quite what to say. This is honestly
the first time anyone close to me has lost a child.

What makes it worse is the fact that we are still unsure of the cause of death. I do not understand how a seemingly healthy baby can die in its sleep without somebody being to blame. I don't want to give my condolences, then find out I've been comforting a murderer.

I take infant death to heart more than any other because I, myself, am sterile. If I later find out that there was some way to prevent this child's death... I don't want to hold resentment for the young parents.

How do I go about comforting the family (or at least, my boyfriend)?

My advice is stay away & keep your mouth shut especially around your boyfriend. The last thing they all need on top of their obvious & horrendous grief, is someone around them who thinks that a child can't die of natural causes.

Trust me.. they don't need people like you around them right now.