How do you comfort someone who has lost a child?

[Daughter of Satan]

Originally Posted by coma

My future brother-in-law's infant died suddenly recently. I got the call from my boyfriend and found myself not knowing quite what to say. This is honestly
the first time anyone close to me has lost a child.

What makes it worse is the fact that we are still unsure of the cause of death. I do not understand how a seemingly healthy baby can die in its sleep without somebody being to blame. I don't want to give my condolences, then find out I've been comforting a murderer.

I take infant death to heart more than any other because I, myself, am sterile. If I later find out that there was some way to prevent this child's death... I don't want to hold resentment for the young parents.

How do I go about comforting the family (or at least, my boyfriend)?

Dont avoid them, or stop talking about the child, so many people do that, when mostly the person who has lost a child wants to talk about them, and remember the time they had together.

dont say anything about why the baby died, it could be something like cot death or a un detected heath issue the child was born with, but if the death was preventable then the parents will be feeling so much guilt that adding to it because of personal feelings will only make things difficult in your new family.

[krisann]

Originally Posted by Daughter of Satan

Dont avoid them, or stop talking about the child, so many people do that, when mostly the person who has lost a child wants to talk about them, and remember the time they had together.

dont say anything about why the baby died, it could be something like cot death or a un detected heath issue the child was born with, but if the death was preventable then the parents will be feeling so much guilt that adding to it because of personal feelings will only make things difficult in your new family.

i would feel scared if my child got lost or stolen from their parents than i would have to find our child.

[415volts]

Originally Posted by SE10

Just say.

"ah well good job it wasnt twins".

^^

thought i'd been misdirected to mumsnet.com 'till I read this reply

SE10 - good to see you still around

coma, I have no idea what you should say - although with my detectives hat on, it seems you are covering something up? Were you involved? Where were you when the incident happened? Why are you sterile? Did your boyfriend urgently request you wash his clothes on the night in question? Do you sometimes dream of running so fast that you end up flying?

[Mr.Wolf]

It's not the end of the world!
There are much worse scenarios that can happen - like losing a job, a car, a house...
Some things are really hard to replace.
Fortunately kids are not
You can always make some new ones and even have a lot of fun doing that
Just remember to look at the bright side and embrace all the things that life has to offer
Take care!

[Mr. Yaag]

Originally Posted by SE10

Just say.

"ah well good job it wasnt twins".

Actually, twins would be better.

Eh, you got one left.

[Justin Igger]

I would give them a bunch of abortion pictures to try and cheer them up.

[stina]

With a new one

[Beard Rape]

I would torture them by telling them "at least they're sitting prostrate next to God now". What with god being merciless towards children when judgment cometh, for they, who have not acknowledged his presence and praised him in formal settings for years on end wearing fancy clothes and funny hats are doomed to an eternal lecture of how swift and mighty god truly is and how he is SOOO powerful that mankind had to die in the first place and there will be boredom, followed by boredom, followed by jesus riding a motorcycle with helmet and goggles, followed by boredom, etc. lest they be thrown in a fiery furnace to dwell for all eternity.

[bendo]

Some really rough anal penetration with an unlubricated baseball bat would make you forget about your loss, at least for a little while.

[RORER-714]

Originally Posted by c mo

better to lose an infant that you've barely begun to know than lose a child that you've nurtured and loved for years

I would tend to agree with that.

[Surgeon]

Your boyfriend is going through an extremely hard time. This is safe to assume because a nephew's death is one of the five acceptable reasons to cry as a male. It's in the rule book. You need to monitor him closely, but not too closely as he'll feel suffocated. Perhaps stay in an adjacent room, like the kitchen, where you can still be nearby. Remember, this is a sensitive time for him. Unspeakable thoughts may enter his head, e.g. suicide, and it's vital that you let him sort through this on his own terms. Pestering questions will only increase the chances of your boyfriend hanging himself. Just stay silently nearby and make sure that he always has something to snack on and drink. He'll let you know if he needs to talk about it. Keep this up and he should be fine in about a year. Also make sure to not slack on your usual chores. Keep smiling while you wash dishes and fold clothes so that he doesn't have to worry about you on top of all of his other problems. He needs you to be strong through this, so don't fail him. I hope this helps!

[Beard Rape]

That's right and if she gives you any lip, pop her in the mouth.

Btw, if you want to save his life with a specific sort of food, bring chowder julius. lots of it Mmmm. and some pilfered pumpkin baskets with the cool weaves and ornate wicker basket embroidery going on. Shit is tight!~

[D.O.A.]

Think of it like a dog. Eventually you'll get another one, and it will probably be run over in time. Repeat as necessary.

[Torque Button]

Originally Posted by coma

My future brother-in-law's infant died suddenly recently. I got the call from my boyfriend and found myself not knowing quite what to say. This is honestly
the first time anyone close to me has lost a child.

What makes it worse is the fact that we are still unsure of the cause of death. I do not understand how a seemingly healthy baby can die in its sleep without somebody being to blame. I don't want to give my condolences, then find out I've been comforting a murderer.

I take infant death to heart more than any other because I, myself, am sterile. If I later find out that there was some way to prevent this child's death... I don't want to hold resentment for the young parents.

How do I go about comforting the family (or at least, my boyfriend)?

a blow job

[revolva]

It's vitally important to impress upon them as soon as possible that it was THEIR fault the child died. They must be made to feel full responsibility for the death....only then will they be able to work through to the next stage of grieving and commit ritual suicide on the front steps of a public library.