Tell me what you think of my poem?

Net Traveller · February 16th, 2009, 02:31 AM

Hurtling through a black abyss
The cold is more than you could imagine
Many unspeakable horrors writhe and float around you
Enough to send another man mad
Things with tentacles tipped with teeth,
They shamble onward in a mindless search for prey
The horrors that lurk between the stars
Like nothing that you would see back home
You were told knowledge is power
But that is such a crock
With the knowledge came fear and madness
A horrible writhing fear, because you know the truth
Mankind is nothing, it has no purpose,
Nothing of power cares for you,
To the Great Ones you and your family
Are little more than ants, to small to even acknowledge
Elder Things fly past you but most don’t even notice you
The cold is almost unendurable it bears down on you
With a malevolence that seems almost sentient
Your star steed howls a chilling snicker that could be laughter
But you are still determined to survive your journey
It’s true that knowledge brought horror and madness
But you decided to make the best of it
The ignorant fools will be yours when you return!
More like the Old Ones than they are
You will be beyond good or evil,
Beyond sanity or madness
Your power will crush all that oppose you
And you will reign for a short time
Before the real Great Ones return
And devour your mind, body and soul
But this really does not bother you
After all, this is still better than the mundane routine

It is based on the cthulhu mythos
disclaimer-i don not own the cthulhu mythos

Blistik · February 16th, 2009, 02:42 AM

Not bad

But that is suck a crock, doesn't really fit with the flow though.

Beard Rape · February 16th, 2009, 03:26 AM

Strangely enough, I was thinking Ctulu even before I read your explanation of the poem. Black Abyss... Tentacles... slimy things in the dark... ultimate evil. A bit over the top but it seems you achieved what you set out to do.

revolva · February 16th, 2009, 04:15 AM

Stay away from the Golden gate bridge for a while

Beard Rape · February 16th, 2009, 04:16 AM

Aright, nevermind. You must not have achieved what you set out to do after all

Dixie Normous · February 16th, 2009, 08:37 AM

it's ok...

legne · February 16th, 2009, 03:21 PM

Wow. Don't quit your dayjob. There's no rhyming scheme, it's aesthetically atrocious and your vocabulary is dreadful. Please never write anything ever again, not even a letter.

aRyan · February 16th, 2009, 06:07 PM

Pretty good. Don't mind Lenge, she is still bleeding.

legne · February 16th, 2009, 07:17 PM

No I'm not. Unless you're talking about my SOUL! :'(

FIGHTIN IRISHMAN · February 16th, 2009, 07:21 PM

First few lines remind me of going to the pub

aRyan · February 18th, 2009, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legne

No I'm not. Unless you're talking about my SOUL! :'(

I will stitch it up for you

ShitFuck · February 18th, 2009, 02:47 PM

i thought it sucked, but then again i didn't bother reading it.

venusflytrap · February 20th, 2009, 01:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShitFuck

i thought it sucked, but then again i didn't bother reading it.

XD

Jαsoη · February 21st, 2009, 08:11 AM

I thought it was pretty good.

legne · February 22nd, 2009, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Winter Hill

I will stitch it up for you

Why are you being so creepy??

February 16th, 2009, 02:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
Net Traveller Freakin' Noob Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 37	Tell me what you think of my poem? Hurtling through a black abyss The cold is more than you could imagine Many unspeakable horrors writhe and float around you Enough to send another man mad Things with tentacles tipped with teeth, They shamble onward in a mindless search for prey The horrors that lurk between the stars Like nothing that you would see back home You were told knowledge is power But that is such a crock With the knowledge came fear and madness A horrible writhing fear, because you know the truth Mankind is nothing, it has no purpose, Nothing of power cares for you, To the Great Ones you and your family Are little more than ants, to small to even acknowledge Elder Things fly past you but most don’t even notice you The cold is almost unendurable it bears down on you With a malevolence that seems almost sentient Your star steed howls a chilling snicker that could be laughter But you are still determined to survive your journey It’s true that knowledge brought horror and madness But you decided to make the best of it The ignorant fools will be yours when you return! More like the Old Ones than they are You will be beyond good or evil, Beyond sanity or madness Your power will crush all that oppose you And you will reign for a short time Before the real Great Ones return And devour your mind, body and soul But this really does not bother you After all, this is still better than the mundane routine It is based on the cthulhu mythos disclaimer-i don not own the cthulhu mythos

February 16th, 2009, 02:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
Blistik Blue Orchid Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: At the Hotel Yorba Posts: 5,614	Not bad But that is suck a crock, doesn't really fit with the flow though. __________________ I've come to the conclusion (coz I've been here for a bit), that half of what you read is bull and the other half's all shit.

February 16th, 2009, 03:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
legne Norse beauty Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Snoreway Posts: 1,600	Wow. Don't quit your dayjob. There's no rhyming scheme, it's aesthetically atrocious and your vocabulary is dreadful. Please never write anything ever again, not even a letter. __________________

February 16th, 2009, 06:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
aRyan Happy Thanksgiving! Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 12,386	Pretty good. Don't mind Lenge, she is still bleeding. __________________ <currently thinking of new sig.. please stand by>

February 16th, 2009, 07:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
legne Norse beauty Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Snoreway Posts: 1,600	No I'm not. Unless you're talking about my SOUL! :'( __________________

February 16th, 2009, 03:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
Beard Rape Super Mod Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Beardsville, IL Posts: 10,731	Strangely enough, I was thinking Ctulu even before I read your explanation of the poem. Black Abyss... Tentacles... slimy things in the dark... ultimate evil. A bit over the top but it seems you achieved what you set out to do.

February 16th, 2009, 04:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
revolva Super duper mmmod Join Date: May 2006 Location: banning Posts: 10,744	Stay away from the Golden gate bridge for a while

February 16th, 2009, 04:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
Beard Rape Super Mod Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Beardsville, IL Posts: 10,731	Aright, nevermind. You must not have achieved what you set out to do after all

February 16th, 2009, 08:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
Dixie Normous That's what she said... Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,097	it's ok...

February 16th, 2009, 07:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
FIGHTIN IRISHMAN Like shit off a shovel Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Location: Location: Posts: 3,049	First few lines remind me of going to the pub __________________ "This would be so much more fun if we were on shrooms.

February 18th, 2009, 02:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
ShitFuck Post Whore Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,930	i thought it sucked, but then again i didn't bother reading it. __________________ "you insult me you get destroyed simple as that." ~ShellShockedJim

February 21st, 2009, 08:11 AM	#14 (permalink)
Jαsoη Not Interested Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: η. ¢αℓιƒσяηια Posts: 13,492	I thought it was pretty good. __________________

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