Dead Girls Don't Say No! A guide to NECROPHILIA in MSpaint

[Jewdozer]

Some of our members have been complaining that they are having problems finding love in this lonely world. Having been on dates I can confirm that having to actually make the effort to keep someone interested enough to get them to allow you to put your fuck in them is tiresome.

Sexual deviancy is what we really want from our fuck buddies but sometimes the conversation is a drag, we just want fucky fucky.

This is when I decided to research the subculture of

NECROPHILIA! SEXYTIME WITH THE DEAD!



Many of the necro information sites have been taken down by the Jews so I really had to dig for this shit.

Pt 1 Sourcing your quarry:

67% of necrophiliacs are morticians or work in the death industry, the others are the grave robbing dirty bastards who don’t mind rotting flesh around their rape rods.



So, I guess your first mission is to get a job interview at a morgue or funeral home.

Pt 2 Making ihr move:

One thing is for certain, if you get caught, you can be sure the Jew pig run local police dept and courts will throw you in jail und kill your family. Sneaking into the freezer area on your tea break is not the time to get a quick bit of ‘in out in out’.



If you can get the keys to the slab room after work hours then its better.

Pt 3 Erection/ejaculation problems:

Well this really is one for the ladies. What surprises us is that more than 50% of necrophiliacs are female. Generally sexual deviants are males but this is an exception.

So, the obvious problem is how do you get a stiff to get a stiffy and is there a way of getting him to ejaculate?
Sometimes if a guy has drowned, the excitement of panicking for air can leave him with an erection. If you don't have this luxury you can pump compressed air down his cock or maybe a knitting needle, be careful with the compressed air, it can be messy.



Assuming you have got the hard on dept sorted out you then need to work on the love piss. There are 2 common ways to achieve this. First option is the old fashioned way, sticking your fingers right up his butt and messing with his prostate. The second way was taken from fertility treatment for dead guys. It's a technique that's been in use since the 40's called electro-ejaculation or rectal electro-ejaculation. Typically, a kind of cattle prod-looking probe (it was originally developed for animal reproductive use) is inserted into the rectum and an electric current (10-20 volts) is applied to the prostate which results in ejaculation. Again care would have to be taken not to fuck this up.



Hopefully whatever method you use, you should be able to get a good mouthful of cum out of your cold, dead, slab of meat.

Pt 4 How to:

Having fucky fucky with a corpse is not like having it off with a real live one. For a start off, the dead do not scream HELP! or try to fight you off.

When fucking a living body you will note that it doesn't take much effort, in fact you can just lay there and let your partner do the work. Dead weight is an expression that is so true. Have you ever tried to carry or lift someone who is unconscious? If a person doesn't try to help you carry them in any way, even moving a fairly light person can be nearly impossible. Think about the crime scene, if you drag the body off the slab, will you be able to get it back on again? Can you lift it?



Lubrication is an essential also as they is much drier than a living lover. Remember they don't secrete love juices so extra lube must be used to avoid rashes and rubbing. Car oil is the choice of the experts but be careful ladies not to get too much up your fuckbox.

Pt 4a Mouth action:

Sexual positions can be limited and difficult if the weight is an issue. One mortician says that face sex is the easiest, 2 reasons:
One, they don't gag on your cock or vomit, you can stick it right down the throat which is nice and tight. To get the right position let the head of the stiff hang over the edge of the slab looking up. this allows you excellent access and getting your balls up to the nose shouldn't present a problem.
Two, face fucks is a win.

Pt 4b Brown action:

If you feel a little more daring you can go for full anal or vaginal sex. To get a good thrust up the chocolate box, you must position the body face down with the legs dangling over the edge of the table. Remember the problem of weight and make sure they don't slip off the slab as you position them. With the asshole exposed like a free shopping spree, you should be able to get a good bit of fuckass. Its doubtful you will get shit on your knob (unless they shit themselves when the car ran over their head) as its probably very dry.

Pt 4c Up the front bottom:

The classic front fuck can be very pleasurable as the muscles are very relaxed compared to what you might be used to. Don't expect it to be tight and don't be put off when you are fucking them and you're face to face, looking them straight in the eye. Missionary position is pretty much the only way, as a stiff won't give you much help.


Passionate kissing is very sexy when the skin is so cold.

[Jewdozer]

Pt 5 Advanced section, do not try this at home:

Opportunities should never be passed off.

One Morgue employee saw some hot shit wheeled in that had been mauled by a bear. He decided that she was worth fucking so managed to sneak the body off for an hour. What he did was tie the arms und legs so that they were braced in certain positions, put her in the deepfreeze and came back later.

What had happened on his return was, rigour mortise had set in and the position he had tied her, stayed true when he loosed her bonds. He always wanted the corpse to express love and this felt like she was hugging him with her arms and legs quite tightly. Getting himself inside this stiff limb cage was a struggle but if you can do it without breaking her arms or legs then it's very cumtastic.



Another position you can indulge, assuming the body has no family to collect it, is to just rip all the insides out of it and wear it like a coat whilst masturbating.

Pt 6 Embalming:

Usually the body has to go through certain procedures, ending in final disposal. The problem with this is that it makes it very hard to sneak them home for a longer term, serious relationship. If you do manage to get them home, your loved one needs treating and preserving. Ever since ancient Egypt, embalming has been a common practice in many cultures, especially for necrophiles.

Four areas of putting your embalming solution are used. Arterial, hypodermic, cavity and surface embalming are used to stop them turning into worm food. Formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde, methanol and an ethanol mix is the chemicals needed and there are various ways of putting the chemicals in.



For more info check this sick fuck out> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Tanzler

Pt 7 Final thoughts:

Hidden inside those bodies is pleasure, the challenge is finding it. Morality on this subject has long been debated but if I ever die I request that my brothers and sisters of this wonderful forum either steal my body from the morgue or dig me up and pleasure themselves on my dead over dimensioned penis.


Credits to Ajaa, Happyman, Myself (Jewdozer) and yedstar on the Lolokaust for help with the art.

[Suicide Boy]

Third guide FIRST POST!

[Jewdozer]

Ok this was the first one we did and the last of what we have complete so far. The art has just started today on part 4 and we have a new member of the team doing all the text.

What I will say, is if anyone would like to offer art to the next guide and get a sneak preview as to how we do these, then send me a message to get you name in lights.

[BUGBYTE]

yeah i'd hit it...

[Suicide Boy]

Another position you can indulge, assuming the body has no family to collect it, is to just rip all the insides out of it and wear it like a coat whilst masturbating.



^^^^ roflmao

[Lizard King]

This... This is awesome

[Eisblut]

Car oil is the choice of the experts but be careful ladies not to get too much up your fuckbox.

I think this deserves a place on the Frontpage!

[BUGBYTE]

Originally Posted by Eisblut

I think this deserves a place on the Frontpage!

i second this motion...

[Jewdozer]

Frontpage?
How is this done and do we talk to you guys or the boss?

[Eisblut]

Check your PMs

[RORER-714]

Lots of cool shit at electric retard,thanks Jewdozer.

[notawsome]

Hahha Funny!

[Jewdozer]

Originally Posted by Eisblut

Check your PMs

Apparently i need 20 posts to do that so ill have a wander round and post another 3

[Eisblut]

Originally Posted by Jewdozer

Apparently i need 20 posts to do that so ill have a wander round and post another 3